What to Serve for Jewish Weddings

What food to serve can be a source of contention if you or your fiancé are of different religions or if you are both Jewish but observe the laws of kosher differently. If one partner’s family is more observant than the other’s, the more observant family will probably expect kosher or more strictly kosher food to be served. This would include not mixing meat and dairy or even serving them both together at the reception, as well as being sure the food itself is produced in a kosher kitchen. Preparing meat — and most other foods — requires supervision to be sure it is produced in accordance with kosher standards and laws. The less observant family might not require kosher food, sometimes even feeling that the quality or creativity of the food may suffer if the dining options are limited to kosher caterers.

Making a Decision

One way to deal with some of these tensions is to invite both families to a tasting that the caterer, or several caterers vying for your business, will have for you to taste different dishes. You can choose for yourself what to serve at your wedding, and both families can feel empowered to make an educated decision about the food.

It may be necessary to compromise if all the parties involved cannot come to an easy decision. If one family or person keeps strict kosher, they will not be able to eat meals cooked by a non-kosher caterer. If one family prefers kosher food but does not require it and the other family does not want to use a kosher caterer, you may want to ask the non-kosher caterer to serve only dairy or fish and not meat. This may work for people who do not fully keep kosher, and it will allow you to preserve the peace between your families.

When negotiating the question of kosher food, the manner in which you present the question is vital. No one wants to feel as if they are less Jewish because they are not committed to eating kosher food. One suggestion is to broach the question with lots of “I” statements. Something like the following may be helpful: “Mom and Dad, thank you so much for all of your help in planning and paying for my wedding. Given my current spiritual commitments I would feel uncomfortable having non-kosher food served at my wedding.” If both the bride and groom are involved in wedding planning, it may be important for them to speak in advance, decide together what they want, and present their wishes in a unified way.

Individual Kosher Meals

If you and your fiancé and your families do not require kosher food but a small number of relatives or friends do keep kosher, the option exists to order them a special meal from a kosher caterer. This is especially true if the rabbi is the only person requiring a kosher meal and will be eating with you. It is important to note that not all Rabbis will officiate at weddings where non-kosher food is served.

If you order special meals from a kosher caterer, be sure the kitchen at your event knows how the meals should be heated and served. The meals should not be heated uncovered in a non-kosher oven; usually the kosher caterer can arrange to have the meals wrapped and sealed so they can be heated in a non-kosher oven and still retain their kosher status. The kosher guests themselves may want to oversee the opening of the package before it is served to them. Your wedding helpers or the wait staff will need to be sure to provide the guests with plastic plates and silverware or new plates and silver so that it meets kosher standards. Be sure to let your guests know what the arrangements will be.